Mary’s Blog
MY LEMON!!!! Apparently it was in my drawer at work, don’t ask. :I
Dearest SilverFox,
Thank you for reading my blog. I’m so glad that *Amazon shared it with you. (there may have been an eye roll, whilst writing that sentence). *codename
I know there is some quotes on here that are a little inappropriate, but let me tell you…..they are all innocent and totally taken out of context. You see the other blogger Sunny is a hippie and well I’m sure you’ve known hippies in your day and they are all complete liars and always high (may or maynot be true), so people should never trust them….just saying.
Please keep seeing me as the innocent BABY of the family….yeah Amazon are you reading this now, you old hag….anyways I got a bit sidetracked. I appreciate the life lessons you’ve taught me such as:
-Never giving away the milk for free. (a little late on this talk though, but we still got married. 
)
-How to take a ZILLION pictures of rock and cacti while on vacation.
-How one should never rush into your parents room early on Christmas morning.
-How to make noise in the morning so people in the house know that another one is awake, therefore maybe allowing said person to cover up a bit more before answering a phone call.
-and that its ok to lift your shirt during breakfast, cause all the cool kids are doing it.
BUT my favorite one is how to correctly pronounce liquor, you know the fancy way instead of it sounding like “lickher”. It just sounds classy and I like saying it. Maybe that’s why I visit the Liquor store so much.
Seriously though THANK YOU for all you’ve done and continuously do for me. I LOVE YOU more then words can ever say or anything I could ever type in a blog. Ani ohevet otakh
OK, well I have to go now…the hubs just came and got me all wet. *again totally innocent.
ps- Can I borrow $20?
Besides wearing a lame wrist brace and miss placing a lemon (which I’m still looking for) today rocked!!!
I love my job and I love my co-workers. They make the day go by fast.
Today when I was checking my FB feed on my phone I saw that our blog site got a shout out on Grimmleighs FB site!!! AWESOME!!!
Again if you haven’t “like”ed them or don’t know what I’m talking about shame on you! Scroll down for the entry titled My Grimmleigh Fiend.
Then during some down time Sunny and I was checking 97.1 website for the link “Messages from the dead” and the Hollywood sleaze. We then saw something that said funny blog site. We made the joke that, lets see if this so called “funny blog” is as funny as ours. HOLY SH!T BATMAN, its our very own blog. Thats right Little B’s, it’s our BLOG!!
So Jay thanks for sending me a couple emails to check in, sorry I have been MIA. I hope you enjoy our posts. Sunny and I promise to at least post one thing each daily…..riiiiight Sunny?!
—–> FRANKIE if you actually read this, I’m a huge fan of the show!!!!! I completely love you and Jessica. Thank you for putting it on your site.
http://zoo.971zht.com/main.html
and lastly what made this day even better is I won a Best Buy gift card for just being AWESOME. I’m always winning things at work! (Did I mention that I love my job?)
PS- to the Magical Tiger Woods at work, thanks for the card tricks and entertainment.
The family went to Shrek last weekend and I liked it. Wasn’t my fave Shrek movie, but it was still funny.
I will tell you that I loved the new villain Rumpelstiltskin. I think it’s because he reminded me of my Itty Bitty. Both adorable, sassy, classy and short. Now, if I can only get Itty to start wearing wigs.
See the resemblance??
and you can create your very own Orge!!
Sooooo, I had a Dr’s appt yesterday and I hate going to the Dr!
Usually my husband goes so he can talk to the Dr, and thats kind of the joke at the office cause I tell the hubs whats wrong and at the office he relays it to the Dr. Its a system, but it works….and my Dr gets paid, so whatev!
Well yesterday the nurse and my Dr were making fun of me cause I came alone. Well if they thought I was going to make it easy for them, they had another thing coming!
I swear I need a doll so I can just point to where the pain hurts. It would make everything so much easier.
Well I got some pills that should (crossing fingers) help with the pain, Lidoderm patches and an awesome wrist brace. I got it in black so it would go with all my designer outfits. ;D
Yes, I tried to find the creepiest doll online
my newest accessory
By the way I do LOVE my Dr. So Hamp and Barbara you rock and there’s your shout out, I better get some free drug samples!! (kidding)
www.someecards.com is my new fave site, because with gems like these you can’t go wrong:
To my hubby!
To Sunnyshine
and many many more, here’s just a few:
-I love you like a cannibal loves human flesh
-Being away from you has given me clarity on how insane you are
-I love talking to you about me
-I still masturbate to you
-I really can’t say enough good things about your blow jobs
-I’m glad we share a sense of humor and an understanding that I’m slightly funnier
-Our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness
-If we were in prison, I’d help you not get raped
-Thanks for actually having a funny story to tell me when you say you have a funny story to tell me
I bet your family and friends are dying to get one of these, so send one today!! ;D
Hello ouuuuut there!!! Its me. I’m back! I’m sure you’ve been wondering where I’ve been….. so take that noose off your neck and step slowly off the chair and use it to sit in. For I have a tale to tell you.
It involves Counterfeit Twinkies, underground Star Wars theme bathhouses, waking up in a opium den in San Fran having fallen asleep in SLC, rolling a joint of catnip thinking it was pot and still able to get high whilst enjoying a ball of yarn and last but not least M U R D E R!!!
Mmmmmm ok so none of the above is true…..like duh! (but secretly wish it was)
Anyways 2 reasons why I’ve been M.I.A-
1- We got a house at the end of February. The move, fixing it up and the dreaded PAINTING takes allot of time.
2- I forgot my password, password hint and the facial recognition didn’t recognize me cause apparently my face got fat. F**K you software!! You don’t know me. (anyways I realized if I sucked in my cheeks, it logged me in….SO YAY!!!!)
Here’s whats been going on since December-
December- Went to Vegas for our 1st annual friends Vegas trip. It was a blast. Pics on Facebook, if were friends.
January-Partied like it was 1999 for New Years and when I say 1999, I mean I stayed home that year and this year. Go 2010! (I’m an at home drunk and I’m ok with that.)
Febuary- Ahhh Valentines and our first date anniversary. Sadly my husband had to remind me of both. HAHAHAHAHA, I’m a such a dude when it comes to dates and such.
March- Green beer and moved into our house. Bye Bye West Jordan, Hello Fort Union!!
April-I’m sure something happened, but I’m drawing a blank.
May-Hubbys Birthday and I don’t remember what we did, but I’m sure it was fun.
June- Pride booth and so far lots of naps. OH and getting the basement done so My best friend in the whole entire world, who I love and would die for and would give her a kidney if needed cause she may have drank or still drinks way to much is moving in. (so the part in bold is about me…..I just may need her kidney later in life and wanted to throw that out there.)
Anyways in case you’re reading this LIKE A GOOD FRIEND SHOULD can’t wait to have a personal slave.
Anyways, thanks for the emails for the peeps who wanted to know what happened to me. If I could cry (not a medical condition, just lack of emotions) I totally would. Life happens and I’ll try to blog more and say less to Sunny so she has no more “soundbites” of mine. WHICH by the way are all innocent and taken out of context….just saying.
AND I’M BACK MY LITTLE BEEATCHES!!!! (limited time only….maybe)
So my friend Figgie introduced me to this etsy store called Grimmleigh’s Fiend (store name on etsy blackfezstudios).
Its a husband and wife duo and they have some pretty cool and twisted handmade stuff. Which means “I LIKEY!”
ok, ok enough talking. Here’s my purchase:
Meet DesDemona Delemorte
Her story: DesDemona had the good life; A great husband, lovely children, and a fantastic job cataloging ancient artifacts at the Grimmleigh’s Institute of Para-Zoological Research. She was part way through labeling a large assortment of Mezo-American stone tablets when she heard a strange voice chanting in her head. She thought she might have come down with a cold, so she left for home. Upon arriving, she devoured her husband, shaved the cat, and worst of all, grounded her lovely children. She has been floating about her living room ever since, shooting creamed corn out of her ears and singing naughty songs about a Cornish Farmer.
I attached the photo of Figs purchase for his daughter. YES you are right, what an awesome dad!!
I WANT HER WITH BLACK HAIR!!!
Here’s the link for their store: http://www.etsy.com/shop/blackfezstudios
They do custom orders and if you click on the 137 (maybe more now) sales. This is located on the right hand side in their etsy store, you can see more of their past sold items.
They also have a facebook page, so make sure you “Like” them to get the latest updates.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Grimmleighs/153395056726#!/pages/Grimmleighs/153395056726?ref=ts
and last but not least they are sold at local craft fairs during the month. So support the SLC locals and buy one. Let me know if you get one. Sunny and I may get one to give away as a contest. Were going to the July 11th fair thingy.
Speaking of Sunny….she just bought this one…..
http://www.etsy.com/transaction/30367708
Multi-eye Grimmleigh photo and DesDemona story borrowed from the etsy blackfezstudios website.
what was that mary just said to nugget??
“come on you were coming right into me, “if you got a fisting, it was your own issue”
